Congress Sells Everyone’s Internet History Except Anthony Weiner’s

in Quickies by

Earlier this week, Congress voted to reverse the landmark FCC privacy rule that opened the door for ISPs to sell customer user history. This means that essentially all of everyone’s browsing history is available for purchase for the highest bidder.

Everyone’s browsing history except one man…Anthony Weiner. The decision was justified by Congress as “because…gross.”

Anthony Weiner, infamous for his series of inappropriate-for-this-fine-publication images, refused to comment because “he had to return some video tapes.”

“We just don’t really want to know what he’s doing on his computer. I mean, we all have our guesses, but he’s just one bad bowl of gumbo all around,” said an anonymous source, most likely a Congressman from Louisiana.

“Look, you’re not going to publish this right? I got paid 50 large ones to make sure this vote passed, but there was no way in hell I was going to let this guy’s Google Chrome history go on market,” said another anonymous source, instinctively reaching for her hand sanitizer.
Whatever Anthony Weiner chooses to do with his newfound freedom in the age of information-sales, nobody really wants to know, but everybody can summon a guess and probably be in the same ballpark.

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