CAPTCHA Releases New Uncomfortable Existential Questions Filter

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CAPTCHA, the challenge-response test that helps sites keep visitors from spam posting comments, unveiled its new existential questions filter.

“Thanks to machine learning and innovations in the artificial intelligence industry, we have to raise the bar on what it takes to post something on the Internet,” stated Anders Fjordson, Chief Development Officer at CAPTCHA, “These robots are breaking through our current filters way too easily.”

With questions such as “Is life real?” and “Why are we here?” the CAPTCHA filter is increasing the sentient requirement to post comments. Their release has been met with vehement criticism and anxiety from users across the country.

Tom Selman, a 28-year-old dental assistant in Charlotte said, “I just wanted to post about why the Hornets are going to be good next year on my buddies blog, and then I got hit with the CAPTCHA. It said, “What are you for?” I don’t know, man. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.”

Katherine Gliff, a 19-year-old Sophomore at the University of Central Florida said, “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHY EVIL EXISTS?”
Only time will tell how effective this strategy is, but so far in the short term, it has spurred a whirlwind of self-doubt and existential angst.

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