Instagram Reveals Plans for “Top 8” Feature

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Instagram’s release of the “Stories” feature last week was met with backlash from critics and users worldwide. The company, however, continues to hold its position despite user loyalties to Snapchat. Our sources confirmed that Instagram will be launching a “Top 8” sort of feature reminiscent of MySpace. We sent our journalist to their headquarters to further explore.

Instagram’s “Best 8” is going to categorize a user-curated list of followers that user’s deem to be their best friends. The Elite Eight are going to appear publicly on their profile to show visitors who the user is close with, but also to allow users to keep associates from getting too chummy on their pictures. In perspective, Facebook invented the newsfeed, which was then copied by Linkedin, Twitter, and Instagram. Instagram invented filters, which were then copied by Snapchat. Myspace invented hierarchical friendship, and it is only natural the idea start making its rounds in the startup world as well.

“We spent $14 million dollars on the new Crema, Perpetua, and Ludwig filters and no one really cared.” commented our source, whom we shall call Kristof. “Snapchat puts out one dog filter and their company jumps up a couple billion.” Although the financial repercussions of Instagram’s “Stories” feature are not clear yet, they are sure to increase friction in the market for attention with Snapchat. Once our reporter asked if this had anything to do with Snapchat turning down Facebook’s previous acquisition offer, the atmosphere started to get tense.

“We really have our hands tied here.” said Kristof as he turned up the volume on his Macbook. Suddenly the room filled with Bon Iver’s Holocene. “These orders came from high up. Really high up.” Kristof then scribbled on a piece of paper on his desk and slid it over to our reporter. It’s Zuckerberg. Help me, they have my family.

It was at this point that two men with shaven heads and suits entered the office and escorted our journalist outside of the premises.

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