Mark Zuckerberg Misplaces Facebook News Feed Algorithm

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Facebook Headquarters were all but tranquil following the news of Mark Zuckerberg misplacing the Facebook algorithm. Among the squabbling of employees could be heard a resounding “fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!” that echoed through the building of 1 Hacker Way in Menlo Park. Our encounter was as follows:

As our reporter was taking notes on his sketchpad, a frantic Zuckerberg darted towards him. With a quick swipe, Zuckerberg snatched the reporter’s sketchpad and said, “Not it!” He continued to mumble “Not it, not it, not it!” as he paced around the vicinity, tearing through a nearby employee’s cubicle.

After a few minutes, Zuckerberg seemed to gain some composure. He wiped the sweat from his brow on our reporter’s sweater. “I’m looking for something just like this,” Zuckerberg said as he rifled through the reporter’s sketchpad, “except it was in blue folder and was labeled ALGORITHM.”

Our reporter shook his head. Zuckerberg stormed off back into his office and out came the sound of a metal filing cabinet clanging against the ground.

“He said he just took it out of the vault to look at it for a second. He went out for lunch and when he got back he said it was missing.” said a Facebook employee, who preferred anonymity.

The sketchpad with the algorithm has since been located in what everyone in the tech world is calling a gross oversight and very close call. This has opened the door to a flood of questions from tech journalists regarding the security of Facebook’s proprietary information.

“You’d think they’d have it on a computer or something. Or at least have a copy of it somewhere in case it gets lost. I don’t want to kick a guy when he’s down, but come on Zuck!” said TechScene journalist Kelly Gonzaga. “Those guys at Google made one of their employees swallow a USB with their algorithm and they don’t let him leave the headquarters ever. Zuck could learn a thing or two.”

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