Pitbull Cancels Montreal Concert Out of Fear for His Safety

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Due to the new bylaw passed by Montreal authorities to euthanize hundreds of pit bulls around the city, Pitbull, the rapper by the same name, has claimed that he fears for his life. The Miami rapper has chosen to cancel his upcoming show in Montreal for that exact reason. “I’ll tell you what man, those Canadienses are not putting their maple syrupy hands on me. No shot. No way. Dale.”

The bylaw defines pit bulls as American pit bull terriers, Staffordshire bull terriers, American Staffordshire terriers, any mix of these breeds, or any dog that has characteristics of any of these breeds. The law essentially bans any dog with a large head, a prominent jaw, and short to no hair, making rapper Pitbull exceptionally vulnerable to the law. “I don’t care what they say, man. I don’t care if they have a warrant, I’m not going in to meet with nobody. I don’t have to prove shit. I am not a dog. You hear me? Yo no soy perro.”

Owners of pit bulls have to go through a criminal background check and pay $150 for a special permit. Their dogs will also have to be sterilized, vaccinated, and microchipped. Owners of pit bulls will also have to muzzle their dogs and use a maximum 4-foot leash at all times in public. Government officials are also now legally allowed to kick any pit bull as hard as they want for good measure.
Montreal’s new vague and imprecise law will lead to the euthanization of hundreds of strays and pit bulls in shelters. The bylaw has quickly risen to a level of infamy and generated its fair amount of visceral reactions on social media networks. This is very impressive, given the current state of the United States Presidential Elections. Our digital media expert claims Montreal is part of a Canadian conspiracy to not lose its footing in timeline relevance and had to do something to please the almighty Facebook algorithm.

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