The only hosting Amazon Web Services has been doing lately is that of a massive kegger between Bezos and friends.
What started with an innocuous book club meeting between Jeff Bezos and friends in Amazon Web Server’s rooms ended in catastrophe, resulting in thousands of websites encountering technical difficulties.
“I thought it would be a good idea to get some of the guys together and talk about our book of the week, which I think was Tools of the Titans by Tim Ferriss, but things got out of hand when Charlie Sheen asked if we wanted to crack a few beers,” said Amazon’s bald billionaire founder, following by his famous honking laugh.
Those first beers were the precipice of a full-out rager that ultimately damaged several of the servers. Kegs of Yuengling and other party activities almost immediately started arriving from “Charlie Sheen’s guy” and the bender continued.
“It was honestly the most fun I’ve had in weeks. I told the guys to be careful but as soon as I saw Barry (Barack) doing a kegstand using one of our servers as leverage I knew it wasn’t going to end well,” Bezos told reporters.
The servers were not the only thing damaged, however, as Guy Fieri wandered off into the server hallways in search for “some pulled pork that’s gonna make you cry” and still has not been found.
As of 6:15 PM, Amazon’s AWS service health dashboard announced “The S3 outage is due to liquid damage in several of the severals, and we are currently working on fixing the issue. We also have not located Guy Fieri,” without any further details.