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James Risberg

James Risberg has 2 articles published.

Elon Musk Says Tesla Will Buy the Sun

in Tech News by
Elon Musk

Tesla CEO Elon Musk tweeted early Wednesday morning that he will soon make a bid to purchase the Sun, a statement that, while shocking to some, came as no surprise to many who have been watching the eccentric billionaire work to bring his plans to light.


“The man wants to save the world with solar,” alternative energy consultant Jeffrey Barnes told the Venture Crunch, “he’s got solar collectors, he’s got solar storage, he’s got solar cars: the obvious next step was the solar source.”

This announcement comes right on the tail of Musk’s announcement that Tesla would move to merge with solar energy company Solar City (of which Musk owns a large share), one of the largest installers of solar energy systems. Buying the sun will be the first of its kind for a solar company.

“The addition of the Sun the Tesla’s holdings will make our job that much easier,” a ranking official at Solar City, who desired to remain anonymous, said. “The biggest problem with solar is it doesn’t work at night, ya know? With full access to the Sun all day our output worries are over.”

While Musk declined to comment to the VC, Tesla put out a press release confirming the claim and expanding on the statement:

“Tesla mission is and will continue to be the advancement and development of alternative energy technology in pursuit of a more sustainable future. A deal will be reached on the merger with Solar City soon, but we never stop looking to the future. The addition of the Sun to the Tesla family is the next step in realizing our lofty goals.”

Elon Musk intends to inspect the Sun’s fusion reactor personally before negotiations begin early next month, and SpaceX has apparently been developing a rocket capable of bringing the CEO to the star for some time now.

Marijuana Startup “Totally Forgot” It Had Meeting Today

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Rummaging around the floor of his bedroom in search of a clean pair of pants, Chief Operating Officer and co-founder at Weedr Geoff Buchanan reportedly told his colleagues he “just, totally blanked on the meeting, haha,” referring to the marijuana-based startup’s daily standup.

Despite the extreme regularity of the meeting, namely every morning since the inception of the company, Buchanan says, “sometimes it slips, ya know? The team will understand.”

The Weedr team began the weekly scheduled meeting 45 minutes late and without Buchanan, as this was, said CEO Timothy Rodriguez, “the third time this month. But it’s not, like, a huge deal.” Items on the agenda included the addition of leaf-patterned socks to the Weedr swag offerings, deciding on lunch, and determining whether anyone had watched the new Bojack Horseman season yet because it’s “dank AF.”

Several of Buchanan’s former colleagues were reached out to for comment on his tardiness, nearly all reporting that it’s “pretty much how Goeff rolls,” while one anonymous source had only one thing to add: “Ahah suhh.”

Sparking a blunt in preparation for a brainstorming session on branding and social media outreach, the three present employees of Weedr report they have no expectations that Buchanan will arrive in time for any meaningful input but don’t mind because the culture at Weedr is mad chill.

Showing no apparent urgency or concern with his lateness, Buchanan was seen at time of press packing one last bowl before heading to the office.

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