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Major Phone Bug Allows Anyone to Leave You a Voicemail

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A significant bug has been discovered in all phones and is currently a cause of frustration for 99% of people.

The bug allows you to call anyone, and if they don’t pick up, you can leave them a voice message which they will have to open at some point or see notifications for it every now and then.

Naturally, this poses a huge problem for anyone with a phone number.

“I keep missing calls from some old woman looking for her daughter,” says Tomas Petit, a 28-year-old Brooklyn-based programmer. “I’ve probably got at least two voicemails from her every week. It’s really fucking annoying.”

Although the phone rings like normal, if it’s not picked up, callers have the option to leave a thirty to sixty-second voicemail that just sits there until you listen to it. Worst of all, there is no way to either accept or deny voicemails on the participant’s side.

“How’s it make me feel? Pretty damn helpless to tell you the truth,” notes Stephanie Harriman, a 30-year-old real estate agent in Miami. “The voicemails don’t stop, no matter how hard you scream back at them.”

There is no telling how or when this glitch started, or when it will end.

Congress Sells Everyone’s Internet History Except Anthony Weiner’s

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Earlier this week, Congress voted to reverse the landmark FCC privacy rule that opened the door for ISPs to sell customer user history. This means that essentially all of everyone’s browsing history is available for purchase for the highest bidder.

Everyone’s browsing history except one man…Anthony Weiner. The decision was justified by Congress as “because…gross.”

Anthony Weiner, infamous for his series of inappropriate-for-this-fine-publication images, refused to comment because “he had to return some video tapes.”

“We just don’t really want to know what he’s doing on his computer. I mean, we all have our guesses, but he’s just one bad bowl of gumbo all around,” said an anonymous source, most likely a Congressman from Louisiana.

“Look, you’re not going to publish this right? I got paid 50 large ones to make sure this vote passed, but there was no way in hell I was going to let this guy’s Google Chrome history go on market,” said another anonymous source, instinctively reaching for her hand sanitizer.
Whatever Anthony Weiner chooses to do with his newfound freedom in the age of information-sales, nobody really wants to know, but everybody can summon a guess and probably be in the same ballpark.

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