Greetings potential #Disrupter of potential person who wants to sue the Venture Crunch.
We really do appreciate you, and that’s not just something we’re saying because that’s what a marketing podcast told us to do. Whereas most magazines and startups focus on monetizing through advertisements, or leveraging you previous consumers to land a boatload of money, we operate on a different model.
If you are a reader and love us: Keep your money. Keep your investments. We want your laughs. And/or organs should anyone of our team be in dire need, but we’ll keep our ask low for now. Your laughs make us feel good, even though our Google Analytics can’t track them (we’re working on it.) If you’d like to send us a direct laugh, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our Facebook or Twitter.
If you’d like to write for The Venture Crunch, you’d better have some fuego up your sleeve. We will never publish anything that we are not proud of, so send us your best at firstname.lastname@example.org. We will pay you in laughs.
If you are a startup that wants us to write an article using your name, contact us through our Facebook. The Venture Crunch does not mince words and if we make your founding team weep bitter tears, don’t say we didn’t warn you.
If you are a satirical magazine that focuses on writing about satirical magazines, let’s dance.
If you’d like to sue us, please don’t. All of our names are randomized unless you made it big time. If you are one of the ones that made it big time and you want to sue us, we are going to milk the bejeezus of the PR from the lawsuit and will likely negotiate a settlement that will send all of our interns to life in prison. Seriously, they won’t leave. We’re just being transparent here, you’d probably be better off buying us with what you’d spend on lawyer fees. If you are not big time and we used your name in an article, what are the chances right?