Jeff Bezos Vows to Spend Majority of Net Worth Shining Head

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Earlier today, Jeff Bezos had a brief stint as the richest person alive, surpassing Bill Gates to hold the number one spot.

Within moments of the news breaking, Bezos announced his plan to spend the majority of his net worth shining his trademark bald head.

Bezos penned his message in a letter to shareholders and the general public.

“Hey Jeff, congrats on being the richest person in the world. Can I have some money? – @YourBoyMikeyP92″

This is the tweet that ultimately changed my gaze from philanthropy towards something more meaningful. In order to avoid the fickle throes of fortune, I have decided to fully commit the majority of my net-worth towards shining my head.

Every piece of news I’ve read today has mentioned two things: 1. My net worth, 2. My bald head. No best wishes or concerns for my well-being. Well, world, get ready for more of this bald ass head. Fuck you.”


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